The Connor Chronicles Volume XCVIII

Alright, Jen, I hope you’ve been paying attention. If you ever find me face down naked on the bedroom floor call an Olsen Twin! If I’m face up, assume the position. But seriously, what the hell is this about? You call Mary Kate Olsen instead of 911? I mean I can understand if Jen calls our Insurance Agent to find out how hard she should try to save me, but other than that I’m hoping 911 is the first number dialed.

And who the hell cares that Heath Ledger is dead? I mean, is it going to delay the release of The Dark Knight? If not, then I’m pretty much not impacted in any way here. Seriously, I CAN Quit Him!

The man was upset that he and Michelle Williams broke up…..dude, get over it, you banged Michelle williams for a couple of years, you’ve moved onto an Olsen Twin…or maybe both… and you probably could have had Jessica Alba next….yeah, I’m feeling bad for you. Loser.

Britney wants to have another baby….makes sense, why neglect 2 kids when you can neglect 3? Seriously, stars used to accessorize with jewelry, then it was cars, then it was little dogs, now its kids! It started with Angelina Jolie bringing back kids from vacations like they were mickey mouse ears from Disney World! Then Madonna picked up a couple…..probably to learn the next fake accent. Then it was hey, lets get knocked up and they all joined in……from Britney to Katie! Seriously, what could be next? Maybe they’ll start collecting homeless people….nothing but upside there!

Went to LA in December. Diane from guest services was no longer at that particular Marriot….only guess is she is currently in the corporate offices deciding where to build new hotels.

In any event, arrive at the office and meet this woman for the first time. I have had no previous interaction with her whatsoever. Within 3 minutes of meeting her she asks me “What are you doing for Christmas?” Now, literally in less than one second the following thoughts ran through my head:

Are you under the mistaken impression that I might like you?
You’re from fucking California, by default you’re a dick to me until proven otherwise!
Why do you care what im doing for Christmas?
Who The Fuck Are You? (In Daltreys voice of coruse)

So I answer with a very short and simple “Spending it with family”. I made a point not to ask her what she was doing…..you know why? Cause I DON’T CARE!!!

That doesn’t matter though…..she decides to tell me anyway………and here it is! “Well, I’m spending it with my ex husband in Portland. It will be him, wife #1, wife #2, me, current girlfriend and their new baby and all of the kids”

Did you say Portland or Utah? Are you filming an episode of Big Love? What kind of fucked up no self esteem/respect kind of loser are you? Does this man have a horse penis? Is he Heath Ledger…you know, before he died?

Ok, im going to give you a quick lesson on some geek stuff here. Any company worth a dime has a data center where all their critical systems and data are. Any data center worth a dime has an emergency generator in case they ever lose power. For example, our data center in NY has a generator that can run for 7 days on fuel. We then have a contract with a local fuel company that if we ever switch to generator power they will fill us up with fuel every 4 days. Simple enough right.

Sooooooo, on that first Monday in LA me & Vinny (who I work with here on the East coast) go to the office at about 7am. Needless to say there is nobody there. However, at about 9:03 my computer loses connectivity. I ask Vinny if he lost it too…and of course yes.

Here is the sequence of events that led to this thanks to the brilliant people out there.

1) They were doing electrical work on the complex over the weekend and found that they would not be able to hook back up one of the main circuits….they decided it makes more sense that this be the data center circuit…..DONT ASK WHY
2) They only have a 12 hour generator for their data center. They have a contract that says they will get new fuel every 7 hours.
3) Well, at 9:03 the fuel ran out…..the generator shut down….EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF EQUPMENT IN THE DATA CENTER WENT DEAD

So, lets count the screw ups. First, why risk the data center, choose the other circuit, protect your data. Second, confirm with your fuel provider every 1 hour that they are on board. Third, when you realize that you are down to 1 hour of fuel, start shutting down systems properly so that they don’t crash hard.

Needless to say that when they did get power back it took pretty much a full day to get some systems back online. You would think they would be embarrassed by this turn of events…..but NOooooo….they are all congratulating each other over how well they worked together.

I spent the next several days asking everyone “Got Fuel”…..that didn’t go over so well. Folks back East loved it though.

Tony Romo broke up with Jessica Simpsons father ensuring Jessica wont be at anymore Cowboys games.

Everyone is looking for ways to “survive” the writers strike……simple, up your Netflix subscription…..do I have to think of everything?

I was one of the 17 people at the St Johns game last night…..and I’d like to point out I’ve got 4 years of eligibility available and am confident I can help that team out.

So in KC Moores last Friday we made it through the night without a single Darren Daulton sighting….which would normally be cause for celebration.

However, we had a drunken Eddie A who now has 2 bars he’s allowed in…….3 if he’s with his mom.

Youth Council Dance this Saturday……can you say drunk fest? Is this Traceys first night out drinking since the baby? This information plays a critical role in how early I have to break out the Tracey to English dictionary.

Hey Tiki, Is Eli a leader now? I’ll tell you one things he’s not….a quitter! Go Big Blue!

Still some $100 half and half tickets left….come on people!

Oh, and by the way….Happy Fucking New Year!

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"