The Connor Chronicles Volume LXXXIII

Britney Spears hangs out with Paris Hilton for one week & already her pussy is all over the net! Nicely done. The more she does this the better the chances the ultimate loser (k-fed) becomes the ultimate winner. He gets leverage for custody he doesn’t want then basically sells the kids back….un-fucking-real!

Ok….went to San Diego for a week. It’s definitely not LA which is a good thing….but its still California which is a bad thing!

Problem # 1….the rental Car. Ok, I’m a fat slob. We all know this. It’s not a question or opinion. It’s fact. You don’t have to be Columbo to figure this one out. What do I get? A freaking PT Cruiser! Are you kidding? My suitcase takes up 50% of the trunk. I take up 125% of the drivers seat! And all I keep thinking about is one of the guys I work with who is flying in that I’m going to be driving around. Carlos isn’t a fat slob, but he’s freaking tall…..lets just say you’ve seen him on the labels of cans of vegetables you might have purchased! There is no way him & I are going to fit into the clown car…..and yes we called it the clown car for the entire week!

I mean the first time Carlos saw the car I could see it in his face….he wanted to know where the hell he was supposed to put his legs? I mean why wasn’t there a sunroof for his head to pop out of?

And who designed this thing? I pull up to the exit of the rental car place & I cant figure out how to open the window……you know why? The buttons for all 4 windows are on the center panel by the radio? So if someone is about to puke in the back….they need to rely on someone up front getting the window open? NICE!!!

And what kind of engine is in this thing? 2 cylinders? I mean I constantly had the thing gunned and it just wouldn’t respond!

The real kicker!!!! We get to work and another guy from the east coast….who is a hell of nice guy, but i could fit him in my suitcase or carlos’s shoe…..he gets a fucking Ford Truck…..a fucking SUV! We had to give him a boost to get into the fucking thing! One night he tells us to follow him…..he takes off up a hill! We are in the clown car….peddle to the mettle watching him disappear when Carlos turns to me and says “Should I get out and push?”

We beat the shit out of this car for a solid week!

Problem #2……The hotel bar! First off……I land Saturday night after delays & crap and get to the hotel at 10:20…which is 1:20am to me. I’m starving. Check in. I ask where is the hotel bar & what time do they serve food until? The answer: “The bar is out this door and follow the path to the right. They stopped serving food at 10 and they close at 11. Needless to say I left my bags at the front desk and went to the bar!

Now, I’m sitting here writing this in a room all by myself. On any given night you can go to the hotel bar & find the same exact number of people (including help) at the bar. In some ways you would think…hey that’s good, that means you should be able to get a beer whenever you want. Um….no. Example number one. I’m sitting there by myself. I have about 1 sip left in my beer. Bartender goes out to have a smoke….didnt check on me first. Example number two. Sunday early evening. I’m at the bar having a beer. 2 snot nose little pricks come in off the golf course. Sit at a table. Bartender comes around…what do you need kids? 2 cokes….gets them there 2 cokes. Now my beer is empty…..im trying to get his attention. Before I can get another beer he has walked out from behind the bar, not once, but twice to ask the little shits if they need anything!!!!

Problem #3……just getting a freaking beer! I mean other than the points above at the hotel bar…..pretty much anywhere you go you cant get a beer…sure you get your first round, but after that nothing. I spent 5 hours in a sports bar called players on Saturday which was pretty awesome. But in 5 hours how many beers do you expect me to drink? I mean lets just say I took a cab there…expecting to be there for 12 hours. But I left after 5 because in that time I only got 8 beers. Honestly…..that should have been 2 hours.

Problem #4…….the people…..man maybe its me…..i don’t know. But come on…have some sense of urgency…some sense of responsibility…..some SENSE…PERIOD! And just so you all know….jet fans aren’t just dicks here…they are worse outside of NYC. I mean there was a group of 6 guys watching the JETS game…..and constantly chanting J E T S jets jets jets….i mean enough already…shut the fuck up. And then when they would show fireman ed on TV they would all cheer….i really really really had an issue with this.

Problem #5…..the weather….thats right im calling out all those people who say San Diego is ALWAYS gorgeous! It rained for my first 2 days there….then after that it was actually cold…..colder there than it was in NYC……..so fuck that! I mean maybe its me…maybe I bring bad luck with me. I mean that would explain the FedEx truck that backed into the power transformer for the Sony campus and knocked out power in 2 of our buildings!!!

Other random San Diego notes:

The sports bar I was in was heaven…..other than the jets assholes & the fact I couldn’t get a beer. Got there at 9:30 am for the 10am kickoffs. Walk in….grab a nice table. TV’s everywhere. Girl comes over asks what I want…I say Amstel & a menu. She tells me….we have a buffet special….$13.95 gets you buffet all day. Its breakfast now…then turns to lunch….then turns to dinner! Lets just say I was the winner on this deal!!!

And get this….the bartender walks over & says what game are you interested in? I say Vikes & something else. He goes ok….i’ll put Vikes on that TV in front of you & the other one on the tv next to it! SWEET. And I can clearly see every single game from my seat. It was awesome.

Strange thing though…..i’m in the heart of San Diego & there were only a few Chargers Jersey’s. Let’s break down the jersey count……you know because I’m a loser and since I only had 8 beers I had free time & brain processing power

7 Steelers
10 49ers
5 Jets
2 Giants
1 Ravens
4 Chargers…..this is the home team for christs sakes
1 skins
1 bears
1 titans
And get this……19 Patriots jerseys!

When the 1pm games rolled around the Pats were on all the big TV’s and the Chargers on small! Turns out this place is known for being a “New England” type bar so all the transplants come there.

One guy in the bar…..check this outfit….even I know its bad….and im the one who wears a bright orange sweatshirt! Guy is wearing gym shorts…white with a thin red stripe. A collored shirt…tucked into the shorts. White sox up to his knees and sneakers.

Then one night I get the guy sitting in the hotel bar wearing shades while eating. He was cool. I wish I could be him.

After I bailed on the sports bar I go back to the hotel bar to catch the 2nd half of the late games….of course they only have 1 game on….argghhhh. I say outloud….hmmm wonder what the Giants score was. Lady from across the room yells “Giants won 21-10” Great I mark that off. Yeah thanks bitch….giants choked and lost that game.

I sat in that sports bar for 5 hours & did not hear one single curse. I mean over a hundred people watching sports and nothing…..i was impressed. In the hotel bar for 20 minutes and this women….are you fucking kidding me…..yeah, she was from jersey.

Flight home delayed 2 hours….even in the aiport bar I couldn’t get beers quickly!!! Arghhh!

Ok, before I go some messages.

Hope to see you at KC Moores tomorrow night for the annual Tommy Ashton Raffle…..we promise to tone down Rob’s screeching like a little bitch!

Feel better Mrs. H!
Feel better Mrs. Caicedo!
Feel better Matty G!

Check out the events page which has been updated.

If your interested in New Years eve with Eternal Sounds DJ’s at St Adelberts….and I mean who wouldn’t be…..let me know ASAP.

Also, on the video’s page…..you will see 3 new entries. They will take you to 3 videos that Chris Santangelo has posted on YouTube. The 2 commercials he did for Nu-Salt which are hysterical….and his appearance on the Sopranos which I hate him for because it led to Adriana’s death!

A new Chronic Pains comes out in the next week! I know you are all thrilled!

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"