The Connor Chronicles Volume LXXVIII

I never thought I’d miss scam bitch, but this morning I sure did. I took the Q32 today for the first time in a really long time. And yes, I did wonder if I’d run into Scam bitch as I waited on the corner. Well, I got on the bus and journeyed towards Manhattan. The bus was pretty crowded, but no scam bitch. Terribly disappointing. As we pulled into 2nd avenue, the first stop in the city, most people got off. Only 17 of us remained. And then it happened. A homeless woman got on the bus. Now we’ve all encountered homeless people on the subway. I mean it makes sense how they can get there and stay there. And on the subway we have methods of avoidance like moving to another car. But a bus? Seriously, how did she get on? I mean she was the picture of a homeless person. 3 jackets on, dragging a suitcase of shit…..and I mean it was clearly shit as the smell totally overwhelmed the bus. People were fighting for position like me and schmeds going for the last slice of pizza! I mean you know the drill, trying to not breath through your nose so you don’t have to smell it, but breath too strong through your mouth and you actually taste the shit & piss!

Needless to say 14 of the 17 of us got off at the next stop and just walked the rest of the way…..that’s right, the smell was so bad that I chose exercise! I have no idea what the other 3 were thinking. 2 of them might have been dead and the 3rd seemed to be enjoying it! That bus will not be clear of that smell for days upon days!

One of my 10 points to my mayoral campaign will need to address the homeless population here…..i don’t know, maybe Kramer & Numan were right….lets strap a rickshaw to their backs or something.

Went to church the other day for my annual non wedding/funeral visit. You want to know why I don’t go to church….i mean other than the hypocracy and pedophelia……3 freaking collections! I mean did the discussion in the rectory go like this?

Pastor: “Attendance is down by 50%, what can we do to make up for that lost income?”
Priest #1: “Add a 2nd collection, that will get us back the 50%”
Pastor: “Yeah, that’s a good start, but what about the church’s mounting legal fees?”
Priest #2: “Add a 3rd collection!”
Pastor: “A 3rd collection! Brilliant! Now get me a Guinness”
Priests 1 & 2 in unison: “A Guiness! Brilliant!”

And come on….whats with the palms up during the Our Father? Seriously, when did this start? Are we checking for rain or leaks? Are we waiting for Jesus to give us five? I mean I like the idea of us having our hand out for a change, but I didn’t see the church putting anything in them.

I’m not even going to get into the guest speaker that they had! Another 15 minutes of my life I’ll never get back!

And since when do we read announcements at the end of mass? I mean basically they read the announcements from the bulletin…….and obviously I read the bulletin in its entirety 3 times during the mass so I didn’t need the announcements.

Well read in its entirety is a lie….i couldn’t read the Korean and Spanish sections!!! Heres and idea instead of putting the English As A Second Language ad in Engligh, put it in Spanish & Korean and then maybe we wont need Spanish & Korean sections in the bulletin! All together now “Brilliant!”

Nah….we don’t need tougher gun control laws…..kids getting killed in schools is just part of the natural order of things. Now excuse me while I grab a napkin to wipe up this sarcasm dripping all over.

There’s a Duston Diamond (screech from saved by the bell) sex tape? I mean it cant be any One Night In Paris! What did they call it…..Diamond in the rough? Oh wait Colleen Diamond already owns that name!

For Christmas I’m getting everyone a bag of Spinach!

Hey Dolphin fans……hows my boy Dante doing for you?

The Yankees draw the Tigers in the first round…..seriously, shouldn’t the Tigers be playing co-ed on Saturday mornings with us?

Congrats to Jimmy & Leni on the birth of Renee Kathleen! Renee is now 10 days old and they’ve only misplaced her once so far!

Congrats to Chris & Carol on their wedding! We now know why it took so long to get to this point…….Dance Lessons! At one point I was expecting Chris to put on black face and sing Mammy!!!

Congrats to Marianne & James who are expecting their first! No truth to the rumor that the child was conceived while on the LIRR heading to Penn State.

Happy 35th Birthday Face!!! Wow, 35….that’s a lot of cleaning!

Ok, I’d write more, but my eyes are still tearing from bus this morning!

Be Sure To Check out the Events & Announcments........especially Announcements!

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"