The Connor Chronicles Volume LXVII

You know what they say about guys with big feet!?!

No, not that you perverts & no not the stupid, “yeah big shoes…ha ha” line either.

When you have big feet and insert your foot in your mouth it’s much more painful & harder to remove said appendage from said pie hole! And I’ve got some large New Balance on my person right now!

Hang on….did I just get to call everyone else perverts? Isn’t that freaking Ironic! Speaking of Irony.

Last Sunday morning while having a bagel & 8 gallons of water with The Ashton girls, their parents & Kristi Kiernan I had the pleasure of having John & Kathy apologize to me for the behavior of their daughters.

It should be noted that KC Moore’s swim team had it’s final meet of the season last Saturday at which time way more than 8 gallons of water was displaced from the pool. The team finished strong with 2 meets in the last 3 weeks of the season. Granted, their performances were terrible, but they finished the season in style.

Let me tell ya, there is nothing sexier than an Ashton girl wearing my clothes! Do you realize how many woman on this mailing list have literally been in my pants in the last few weeks? When do I get to return the favor?

Speaking of returns will I be getting any of my clothes back?

The sad thing is that the Ashton parents were apologizing for past (several), present & I think future actions!!!

I’m proud to say that about 10 different women got wet at my house this weekend!

You would think the late night swims were bad enough…but No. The KC Moore’s swim team (Sean Slevin’s got nuttin on them) showed up for the final meet with a case of beer in hand. Normally I would think this is a nice thought. However, the following morning I get a call from Kevin Carroll who tells me that the case of beer that I took the night before and put on MY tab is on him.

So let’s get this straight. They come to my house at like 2am…better than the previous weeks 5am visit. They are louder than The Who in their prime. In fact I think Dina’s screams are still echoing. What the hell was she screaming about? They then go in and out of the house at least 73 times and despite being warned all 73 times not to let the door slam….they let it slam. And then they put a case of beer on my tab!

I didn’t even know I had a tab at KC Moores! I’m afraid! Very afraid!!!

So back to me putting my foot in my mouth. Not long after receiving the shaken head apologies from John & Kathy (who fully believe their oldest daughter was swimming naked by the way….which she may have been) I receive an eMail from Meg (round eye) Pace. Now some of you may have been on that eMail, but most of you were not.

Long story-short, I replied with several comments about Megan’s panties being under my pillow and her going all the way to Korea just to bang some American guy named chalres and several other typical danny lines. Not long after that it gets pointed out to me that Mr & Mrs Pace (aka Paul & Renee) are on the eMail.

Paul has a gun doesn’t he?

So of course I had to send out the apology letter….blah blah blah!

Oh well. At this time I’d like to share with you a little diddy I wrote for Schmeds & Annie. I shared it with the bridal party just before the reception.

This is the story of Annie & Schmeds
Who could forget the day they first met
He asked “Hey whose that chick”
She aked “Hey whose this dick”

On and off for years
It all depended on the weather
Annie in the summer
Winter was Susan Taylor

Have no fear
Annie wasn’t by herself
She spent many a day
With Madio the little Elf

Eleanore said “You’ll never get a ring”
Your just the dog walker
Why cant you be like Peg
You know, the good daughter

Kathleen stated
“when will you & that nice Collins girl get back”
Sean followed with
“for christs sake son have you seen her freaking rack?”

So here we are now
Many years in the future
Schmeds just gets bigger
& Annie just gets cuter

So raise your drinks up high
As we mish them many happy years
This poem is now over,
so everyone…Cheers!

You’ll also be happy to know that while taking a crap a little while ago I thought of another project to work on. A paradoy song about Michael Moore….the director, not Giant Mike….who is now back to being Big Mike & Mike H is working towards Giant Mike status.

In any event it will be to the tune of Another Brick In The Wall I came up with the chorus while taking a shit because he’s a piece of shit.

So instead of

All in all your just another brick in the wall

It would be

Michael Moore your just another dick in the world

I’ll try to find time to complete it…..ahhhh who am I kidding I’ll never finish it. Well maybe…who knows.

Alright.

Hope to see you all at KC Moores for Ladies Night & Trivia tomroorw.

Don’t forget Marios on Monday for Hurricane relief….by the way nice call there mister mayor Nagin you freaking asshole. Way to send them back in before the levee is fixed. What a dick

And next Saturday is the Miney BBQ.

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"