The Connor Chronicles Volume LXVI

While trying to find clothes that I can actually get into and wear through the day without suffering too much I realized something! In my entire life my waist size has never been lower than my age! Now granted, that’s normal for a decent portion of your life. But now that I’m getting closer to 40 I’m thinking I’m on the wrong side of this equation.

In fact, the way I’m going I might need to push 50+ to get things in scope….and let’s face it, if that’s the case, 50 is no guarantee!

So here’s the goal, by my 39th birthday in May I need to be in size 38’s or less. Not an easy task….I mean football Sundays, holidays, & the fact that I eat more cheese than any mouse on the planet! Hell, I’m making home made mozzarella 3 pounds at a time! I have a fucking Keg-arator for christs sakes!

So between now & May 4th I get to hear Tom Haggerty say “hows that diet coming dan” everytime I inhale a cheeseburger or pizza!

May 4th is a Thursday so we can have an inspection of my pants size at Donovans that night…..followed by burgers & beers of course!

In another week or so we will be closing the pool....after the post wedding swim at 5am I’m thinking my neighbors are willing to pay for the closing! There are many many words you WANT to hear at 5am….like “anyone up for the Castle” or “whose going to the stop In” or “lock the door and we’ll have a couple of cold” or “are you as horny as I am” or “quick, get the whipped cream and M&M’s”……..but these are words you DONT want to hear “I’m outside your house with the Bride, Groom and a few others and we’re coming swimming”

Granted, it was funny as hell. Watching Annie & Donna trying to relive the glory years of their gymnastics days was pretty damn entertaining.

Luds was swimming in American Flag boxers and let’s just say the flag was at less than half mast.

Donna wouldn’t put on my boxer briefs with the stragically placed hole in the front….dont know why.

Mary did where the white T shirt I gave her.

Colleen D was swimming in a freaking dress!

It was all fun and games until the Bride got punched in the face! Kudos to the fat bastard and the blond on a great, great day! Everyone had a ball…even Mr Met had fun….the real one, not Kenny! Mike H with some of the best lines ever in a best man speech….is there anything better than just coming out and calling the groom miserable! Priceless!

For those of you at the church……can anyone tell me what the hell the homily was about? Seriously…he spoke for like 15 minutes (felt like an hour) and I don’t have a clue. Was there a point? Because if I could have found a point I would have put it through my freaking eye!

I’m going to avoid going on a New Orleans rant right now…I’ll save that for another day. But now that word has gotten out that local government turned down supplies of water, cots and other supplies for the super dome BEFORE the hurricane hit lets see what the Mayor & Governor have to say.

It’s a good thing Tom didn’t know the Raiders were playing last night because they got their ass kicked!

Kanye West is even more assinine than his fucking name!

Ok, this is really really short because it was really published so I can let you all know about the upcoming events listed below. Check the Events page for more details…..however, before I finish I have a joke I wrote last night while walking past the rectory.

So, draw an imaginary line in front of you. Then look about 28 feet past the line because that’s how far over it I’m about to jump. Therefore, if you might be offended, don’t read any further…exit now.

What a bunch of dirty bastards…I knew you would keep reading Ok, here we go!

Question: How does a priest stop an alter boy from telling on him?

Answer: Shoves his cock back in his mouth!

Ok, upcoming events, as always please support these good causes as best you can:

Saturday September 10th: Poker Tournament to raise funds for MS research

Saturday September 10th: Bacci & Beers at the Knights of Columbus Lincoln Council

Saturday September 10th: KC Moores football pool starts…sheets due today for week 1

Saturday September 17th: 5th Annual Woodside Walks in memory of Donna Dennis

Saturday September 17th: Poker Tournament at the Jackson Club

Saturday October 1st: Annual Tommy Miney BBQ

Saturday October 8th: Parish Center Texas Hold’em Tourney

Saturday October 15th: Poker Tournament at the Knights of Columbus Hudson Council

Saturday October 29th: KC Moores Halloween Party (80’s night)!

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"