The Connor Chronicles Volume LXV

Someone tell Schmeds his plan didn’t work. You know, the one where he stacks his side of the bridal party with a bunch of big….ok ok fat….guys so that he would look smaller.

Yeah, it’s not working, the man is still fucking huge! Word is Megan Pace is packing a pair of his shorts to use as a tent while in Korea. I warned her that a family of 72 might move in on her though.

And ya gotta love his other plan. You know, going to Aruba on the honey moon. They’re still looking for the last American Blond girl to visit Aruba!

How big of a discount rate did the cheap fuck get on this one? Knowing him he’s flashing tin and saying he’s part of a search team!

Annie might want to check with the Insurance company the day after the wedding to see if a policy has been added!

I’d like to say the practice/rehearsal was a huge success. We got at least 7 dirty looks from people which means we should meet our target of 38 dirty looks on Saturday!

John gave a nice speech. I especially liked when he “thanked their parents without whom none of this would have happened!” Did they win a fucking grammy for best duo or group (I mean he alone is a group)?

I know the priest is Annie’s uncle and all….but move it along there pops! And if I’m Homer this guy is definitely the grandfather! I’m pretty sure Jamie yelled “ahhhh death” when she saw him!

Megan had some farewell party last night. 2 of her friends showed me their buttery nipples!

But seriously, going to Korea to teach English as a 2nd language? Walk 10 blocks in any direction from KC Moores and you’ll find thousands of people who can use the lessons!

Shit, before going how about teaching Micky Harris some fucking English….half the time I can’t understand a word he says! Or if you want a real challenge go for Rob O’Hara….assuming he can speak! When you get really good you can move on to Brendan Creegan!

And she’s already planned a vacation while there….she’s going to China! Do you have a thing for Asian guys? Whats the first sentence your gonna teach them? “Me love you long time?”

Now, being a fat man I can make fun of fat people. It’s the only reason I keep this weight on!

So Jen & I go to the movies the other night….we had a date…we’re so fucking cute!

So we are sitting there and coming up the isle are 4 of the fattest fucking women you have ever seen! I mean each one bigger than the next! And the last one is carrying the worlds largest popcorn….i think the size was called garbage can! And as she’s walking up she’s threatening her friends….dont do anyting to draw attention to us and embarrass me!

They sit directly in front of us! They are passing so much food back & forth I thought I was at Stop & Shop! The only good thing was I knew I wouldn’t have to hear them talking all movie because they were too busy eating!

So the movie ends and when they get up the biggest one says “be carefull the floor is slippery”! Yeah, from the 30 sticks of butter that was on that fucking popcorn! Let alone the grease used to get your ass in that seat.

At that point Jen helped my fat ass up & we went to dinner where I proceeded to eat 3 pounds of cheese! Mostly fried!

Did anyone watch the new HBO series Rome last Sunday? I was clearly born in the wrong time! Who wants to come over and fan me during sex? Buhler? Buhler? Anyone? Buhler?

Ok…how fucking stupid are some people. For decades…yes decades….they have been talking about the instability of the levees in New Orleans and how much trouble a major hurricane would be. AND….just 3 years ago there was a 5 part story done on what could happen. The piece was so well done it was an award winner. Everything that was stated in the hurricane has happened. The levee breaches, the massive flooding. The destruction.

And STILL the New Orleans local & LA state governments had zero preparation for this. Throw in the 72 hour warning and people still stuck around!

Best place to help out is via the Red Cross www.redcross.org

Shit count the F bombs in this Chronicles….did I hire Larry “F-bomb” Faye as an editor?

Meg, we wish you all the luck....but stay safe!

Schmeds & Annie...we are looking forward to Saturday! It's been a long time coming! You've come a long way from "whose this dick"! Health & Happiness always!

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"