The Connor Chronicles Volume LVIII

Most of you probably think it’s easy being a world class, world famous DJ. Especially one that has been so successful and on top of the game in the heart of the greatest city in the world. Well, it’s not that easy. Do you realize how much alchohol you must consume!

I’ve been doing this for more than 20 years now, you would think I’d be better at it! However, one thing is for certain, the 20 years has provided me with tons of funny & not so funny moments. I can probably right a book of them, but I’ll share just a few here with you. I’m sure I’ll be reminded of more & will include them in a future volume.

Let’s go back to the beginning. I’m a junior in HS and whoever the 8th grade teacher was at St. Sebastians at the time asked me for a favor. She was running the 8th grade graduation dance. They were being given zero funds to have the party, but she still wanted to have one. She knew I loved music and asked if I would be willing to bring down a collection of music and play it on a stereo. It could have been worse, she could have asked my band to play. But seriously how cheesy. I of course said yes and said I’ll bring some extra speakers from my stereo at home. So, I show up with my collection of record albums (how Marcia brady) and a few speakers. Hook things up and off we go. About 30 minutes into the party I get my first real lesson in amplified sound when the stereo basically explodes. Someone out front mentions why don’t you call your cousin to which I reply “why, how would that help”. They then inform me that my cousin owns a DJ business. Damian of course comes through, brings in his entire setup & crates of albums. Gives me a 5 minute lesson (literally 5 minutes) and off I go.

Damian then started sending me out on small jobs, usually with one of the other guys that worked for him. His big thing at the time was Fridays & Saturdays at the Sportsman. Well, about 6 months after I started this fun stuff, the drinking age got raised and it looked like the days of the Sportsman was done. The people that hung out there were all 18 & 19 and the age jus went to 21. That first weekend they figured nobody would be allowed in. So Damian told me to go work the place. I explained that I knew virtually nothing about the type of music that they played there to which he gave me this resounding vote of confidence “don’t worry, its gonna be you, a bouncer & a bartender”. So basically, I’m just pulling records out of sleeves and playing them. Nobody is there, so no big deal. However, at midnight the manager/owner tells the bouncer “we’ll go out of business like this, so might as well go out making money….whoever shows up let them in”. Next thing I know there are a couple of hundred people in there & I’m lost. I mean these folks were used to perfect mixes of perfect music & now they got me & I don’t have a clue. About 30 minutes in a couple of girls came over who said they knew Damian. I asked them to pick out some music & they pulled about 40 sleeves for me. That’s about 3 hours of music. My mixing was as bad as it gets, but they all danced for 3 hours. However, I still had about 15 minutes on the clock and some guys asked earlier if I had any rock, so I put on The Doors. The Dance Floor clears. One of the guys that worked for Damian entered right after it cleared, runs up screaming “What the fuck are you doing! You play nothing but dance music! People dance they get hot! They get hot they drink!” Oh well, another lesson learned.

At first your not gonna think this is a DJ story, but it actually ends up being one. By now Damian is sending me out on jobs on my own & I’m taking Bernie O’Hara with me. Well, one random Tuesday night me & Bernie are just hanging out in Dillons. We were sitting at one of the booths drinking pitchers of Alabama Slammers ($7 how can you beat that) and just having a great time. This girl who was stoned out of her mind is dancing by herself on the dance floor. I mean she was a total mess, absolutely hysterical. So we are laughing. This guy walks over, leans on the table and says “What the fuck are you guys laughing at?” I answer “Come on, this is pretty fucking funny.” Bernie chimes in with “Besides, who the fuck are you”. The guy answers “I’m Miren, who the fuck are you?” Somehow neither of us laugh, but I know whats coming. Bernie replies “Oh yeah Miren. I’m Wolfbong Chuckeliedes” Now Miren tells Bernie he’s gonna kick his ass. I stand up Miren takes a swing at me. I grab him & now Bernie who is behind me is climing up & over my back to be able reach Mirens head. 5 days later me & Bernie are DJing Saturday nights at The Seeweed (bad memories, very bad memories) when a guy walks over to the DJ booth and asks if we have any Elvis. I say sure, we then look at each other. Sure enough it’s Miren. We all just laughed, had a drink, played an Elvis song & that was that.

When me & Bernie worked together it was a total mess. We were too busy drinking and having fun to worry about anything else. At the end of a job we would have a pile of about 50 albums on one side and 50 sleeves on the other. And about 40 empty beer bottles behind us. Here are some quick hits from the Bernie days.

• We once did an engagement party where one of the turn tables died. We spent the entire 4 hours with Bernie handing me a record in my right hand as I pulled the other one off the turntable with my left & dropped the new one on. At the end of the event I explained to the brides father that because of the problems he could pay me what he thought was fair. He told me that he thought it went very well & wanted to give me the entire fee. Bridezilla then screams don’t pay him a dime. I hired a DJ with 2 turntables not 1. Too which I replied, you hired a dj, whoever said I had 2 turntables & took the money & left.

• That wasn’t as bad as the time the 2 of us were doing some giant office thing in Manhattan. About 400 people. We show-up, setup & nothing works. Cant get sound. Call Damian & he cant get sound either. We have to pack up & walk through the 400 people with our equipment to leave. On the way out one guy says, this party is jinxed every year. Last years guy never even showed up!

• Then there’s the time that Carl Cullen (CC Party Productions) asked us to do a job that he couldn’t make. It was in the middle of NJ. It took us forever to get there. Well, we show up, start carrying equipment up a spiral staircase. When we head back down to the car to get the next set I say to Bernie “Did you see what was on the wall” He replies no. I say the “The wall is covered with dildo’s” The party was for a group of drag queens. With a performance by world renowned drag Queen International Crisis. Needless to say we didn’t leave each others side the entire night.

• Then theres the time where we got in a fight with the guests. Doing a Christmas party for a bunch of laswyers. This one guy kept dancing too close to the table and kept banging into it making the records skip. Now the guests think its us doing it. So I finally announce “Hey swivel hips, watch yourself.” Well, one thing led to another & Bernie & the guy had to be separated.

Eventually, me & Bernie bought the business from Damian. Then eventually, I bought Bernie’s half. It was evident that we were not reliable enough to actually go to a party and work for 4 hours. While DJing is something you can definitely do by yourself I would go stir crazy. So after I owned the business I started taking Noreen Spuler to jobs…..ok, we will fast forward at this point.

So bottom line, the last 13 years or so you have seen for the most part me & Tom at jobs. By far the high time for Eternal Sounds. So let’s look at the Good, the bad & the ugly.

• Good: Youth Council dances, right from the very first one and some of the other stuff that we get to help out with. We’ve seen some very drunken things at these events & have been some too.

• Bad: We used to do this dance at St. Michaels in Manhattan. It was the parish that my father & his brothers & sisters grew up in. Well, the average age of the guests had to be in there upper 60’s. It was hard. When we did play a song they knew, when it was over they would stop and clap as if we were an old time band. However, they had the coldest beer you ever wanted & boy did we drink it. Well, one night we were double booked. St. Michaels from 7-11 & Donovans from 10-2, both Halloween parties. So this is where Mike Haggerty (aka Mike the dope) comes in. The 3 of us load the van with 2 sets of equipment & drive into St. Michaels. We get setup and started. MTD then drives Tom into Donovans helps him setup & then comes back to get me. Well, while they are gone, I’m pounding the ice cold beers, plus they had a few before they left. But without Tom (aka Mr. Clean) there, I am just lining empties up across the front of the stage. By the time Mike gets back there is probably about 20 empties there. The woman running the dance comes over & says “Can you move these cans, its not exactly appropriate and the monsignor isn’t happy”. I sure hope he doesn’t get transferred to Sebastians!

• Ugly: The dancing ability of some people. Let’s start with my poor Aunt Alice (alice, alice, who the fuck is alice). I can do the electric slide in my sleep I’ve done it so many times. I mean seriously, as wacked as I can ever get I can still do it. However, if I looked over at Aunt Alice I trip over my own feet. This women loved to dance, it made her so damn happy. But she couldn’t keep time if they used her head for the base drum! Then there’s Ginger, well, at least that’s what Tom & I called her. Obviously we get a lot of recurring business. Well there is this 1 family that has this 1 women whose name I don’t know, but she thinks she’s ginger Rodgers. More like Mr Rogers to me!

• Good: Sunday Nights At Donovans & Thursday nights at Club Shelly’s . Talk about crowded bars and good times. People used to line up outside of Donovans on Thanksgiving eve to get in…..what the hell was that about? The back room of Shelleys was a dance floor. Fun Times.

• Bad: Sunday Nights At Donovans & Thursday nights at Club Shelly’s. Who the hell ever got up for work/school on Mondays & Fridays. What were we thinking? Tom & I had full time jobs at this point.

• Ugly: Sunday Nights At Donovans & Thursday nights at Club Shelly’s. Couple of big ass brawls that were not good. I mean real ugly. And whoever heard of a bouncer who is 16?

One last thing. No matter what, you can’t make all the people happy. This transcends DJing and can be applied to any aspect of life. Here is a DJ example.

A couple of months ago I was working a party on my own. There were some folks from the neighborhood there. It was going really well. There were about 225 people in the room. With that number you want to have about 120 people dancing at any given time & that would be considered pretty good. Well, from when I start playing dance music I have about 175 people on the dance floor. I mean that’s a huge percentage & it really couldn’t be going better. I then have this conversation with a women who is not dancing.

• Woman: “This isn’t working, you’ll have to play something else”
• Me (glimpsing out to the dance floor): “Well, what would you like to hear”
• Woman: “Something else, this jus isn’t doing it”
• Me (giving the dance floor another look): “But what type of music would you like”
• Woman: “I don’t know, but this isn’t working”
• Me (staring at the dance floor): “It looks like it’s working to me”
• Woman: “They are only dancing because there is nothing else on”
• Me: “Well, when you have an actual request, let me know & I’ll gladly play it for you”

About 2 songs later with the dance floor still going she walks by and give me the double thumbs down. I literally laughed so hard at her. It was great.

So, the lesson is, you cant make everyone happy all the time. It’s impossible. Recent events have truly shown me that. So, the best you can do, is well, your best. However, don’t hesitate, be decisive. Be educated in your decision making, but be decisive and move forward. Things will work out in the end.

I know I promised to cover some more items in this article, but I actually have some work to do. So there will be a volume out shortly that will cover those items.

A couple of us will be at KC Moores tomorrow night. Some will be with family, some with friends. In any event, I wish you and your families, health & happiness in the New Year!

A couple of quick announcements. Check events page for details.

New Years Eve KC Moore’s Special.
Jim Nasium Texas Hold’em tourney on 1/29
Tommy Ashton B-ball tourney moved to 5/21

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"