The Connor Chronicles Volume LV

Sorry for the delay in getting this out. I’m moving a bit slow since the BBQ, which some people are referring to as “The Frat Party”.

Speaking of the BBQ, Megan, if your looking for your panties (she hates that word), they are under my pillow. This is the 2nd time you have left them at the house. Jen is starting to wonder.

Speaking of the Pace girls, Michelle, put that thing away! Guarantee she has no idea what I’m talking about. Also, Michelle, we have sent samples of your urine that we collected from just outside the pool (thanks for being outside the pool) and have sent them for tests.

I hope you all enjoyed the food at the BBQ, at one point I panicked when I looked at Marisa & realized that the Turkey was done, in fact both of them were & I was worried about overcooking them. Then I remembered, I didn’t cook turkey, soldier girl just has a nice rack.

Anyone know how to reconnect a drain pipe? Soldier girl, apparently in an effort to be all she can be, pulled part of the gutter down while scaling it to get her sisters sandle back. This was early in the night while they were all still clothed.

Apparently the sandle got stuck when Schmeds showing his accuracy tried to throw it into the 12 foot by 24 foot pool and instead hit the ½ inch of space between the drain pipe and the wall of the house. Insert your own ½ inch joke and schmeds here.

We have opened a lost & found from the party. Sippy cups, floaties, toy cars & all other childrens materials will be held for 90 days being that kids should not be punished for the acts of their drunken parents. However, adult items not collected (with the exception of Meg’s panties) not collected within 30 days will be burned.

Final consumption numbers…..

More than 17 cases of beer.
More than 9 bottles of liquor
6 pounds of hot wings
6 pounds of shrimp
10 pounds of chicken cutlets
10 pounds of steak
4 racks of ribs
Pounds of mozzarella & sausage
Unknown amounts of chips & crap

And an untold amount of pool water!
I was glad I was on Kirk’s team during the battle royale pool basketball game. Did the people defending him and being defended by him know that he was naked?

Does Kirk know that he changed in the dogs bathroom?

For the 2nd consecutive BBQ Megan has left with a cut & bumped head. Insert your own Megan, panties, backboard, headboard joke here.

Can Pat & Schmeds move any slower than they did while playing flip cup? Ok, Ok, yes they can.

Did anyone realize they drank a beer that had been sitting on the air conditioner for 6 hours during the game of flip cup? Mike Moore instead of throwing the unbelievably warm beer away put it in play during the game & it was consumed.

Here is an actual conversation from the evening. I was sitting in a recliner in the garage (doesn’t everyone have recliners in the garage) and a guy & girl came into shoot hoops, you know, across from the bar. The girl was wearing a North Carolina sweatshirt and we had this exchange.

Me: “You have relatives in North Carolina”
Girl: “No”
Me: “I do, my godson sent me a sweatshirt just like that”
Girl: “Oh, do you live here?”
Me: “Yes”
Girl: “Oh, then this might be yours.”

I think right about there I realized it was a good party. I think my wife realized it was a good party when it was still going at 5am.

And yes, I have to keep that stuff in my garage. I mean its not like we can get the car in there with the pool blocking it.

Only we can have a BBQ’s in the middle of August that requires sweatshirts. We really never get a break with weather.

Tracey stumbled all the way home from our BBQ, a total mess.
One week later she mumbles all the way home from the Faye BBQ a total mess.
She then vows that there will be a new Tracey.

After giving her a ride home from KC Moores this past Saturday I would like to point out that the new Tracey is a lot like the old Tracey.

So Brian bought Lorraine a Sixteen Hundred dollar bag. This of course confirms he’s an idiot. So now she has this $1600 bag that she probably carries around $20 in. My family insists that Lorraine is just like my wife. Well, I can tell you right now that my wife would rather me give her a $20 bag filled with $1600!

Ok, a couple of quick important reminders/announcements. Remember that this information can always be found on the Events page of the site.

First, September 25th is the annual Tommy Miney BBQ at the Phips Park. Start time will be 1pm. $25 for adults. Spread the word, full details on the Events page.

Second, The Texas Hold’em Tournament is on the 16th of October. Looking to do a separate womans tourney if there is enough interest. Check Events page for details.

Third, The Donna Dennis Walk is on the 23rd of October. Again, check the events page for details.

Lastly, Al Fuentes has a book out. American By Choice. Information can be found at www.american-by-choice.com also, the Patriots Group has a fund raiser scheduled for November 5th. Details will be on the events page shortly.

As always, until next time, stay safe!

Later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"