The Connor Chronicles Volume LIV

So, NJ is looking for a new Head Giver of state. Clinton gets head & keeps his job, McGreevey gives head & loses his.

What do you call a Governor from NJ?

A Cocksucker!

I’m sure there will be more to come (so to speak) from this story.

A tidbit from the Cruise that I forgot to mention….follow this conversation in the nightclub at about 1am one night.

Tom (speaking to me): Wanna do a shot.
Me: Sure
Tom: Hey bartender, 2 shots of tequila
Bartender: Cuervo?
Tom: No, Tequilla
Me: You’re a D!ck! Cuerve you dope, Jose Cuervo is Tequilla.

The only way this could have been funnier is if the bartender said Jose Cuervo, because I know Tom would have replied, nice to meet you Jose, I’m Tom, This is Dan, wanna do a shot of Tequilla with us?

And you thought it was just Tracey!

Driving on the Major Deegen the other day headed towards the tri-boro & this is the sign. Traffic ahead, Bridge De-Icing in progress. It’s freaking August, how is this possible?

Nothing like getting smashed at a babies christening! Well, that’s just what we did at the christening of Delaney Leonard. I have to question the entertainment though. The clown had issues. I think her name was Cracky, or it should have been because she looked like an addict. She looked like something that went wrong on nip-tuck.

You can’t do anything in Woodside without people noticing. The other night, stop into Whit Castle for a nice low fat meal. Jimmy Jacs spotted me….seriously, you can’t hide anywhere. Anyway, I’m in White Castle and a women is yelling at her kids to be quite because people are trying to eat their dinner. Are you kidding, I expect more distractions here than in Chucky Cheese!

Annie has been demoted temporarily from my smart friends list since she didn’t know how many days there are in July….off to the short yellow school bus for you.

Here’s a reality series, Extreme SkyDiving. You get 100 contestants & offer each one who survives 100 thousand . They each get a parachute, but one of them doesn’t work. Guarantee you will find people to do this.

On the family/friends vacation I had to teach a lesson to some of the ladies. They foolishly tried to play a practical joke on me and failed miserably. They tried coating my toilet seat with maple syrup & hair gel. Um, maple syrup has an odor and the gel was dripping. Spotted it within seconds. Fools. After tormenting them for hours on who I would strike revenge at, I successfully narrowed it down to 4. I announced to the 4 that they would suffer.

While I sat and enjoyed my dinner that evening, 1 of the 4 carried their luggage to dinner out of fear. One of the others couldn’t eat she was so nervous. After dinner was over, they returned to their rooms to find that their entire beds were gone. Hmmm, how did I do that? Upon hearing them rat each other out & apologize their beds were returned. Soon after 2 of the 4 fell for the old serand wrap on the toilet seat and pissed on themselves.

Freaking rookies…will they ever learn? There is always next year ladies, but then again, I can also be plotting!

Olympics start tonight. And I can’t wait to see who medals in Bad Mitton! Come on, that’s not a sport! And while we are at it, neither is synchronized swimming. Make the women naked & maybe I’ll consider it a sport.

Now, if you want me to watch the track & field events, make it a bit more interesting. Have multiple events at once. Like while people are running around the track, have the javelin competition or shot put inside the track at the same time.

Same thing with swimming. Have diving while the relay medley is happening.

Seriously, do I have to think of everything?

Ok, a couple of notes.

Congrats to Tommy & Janine as well as John & Peggy on their newest arrivals…check the announcements and photo-fun pages for more information.

Happy 1st birthday to Abby!

Congrats to Rich & Delia on their new home, they moved in yesterday!

Good Luck to Vinny & Patricia…they are getting married tomorrow!

For those from the annual softball/whatever party, if you have not responded to the eVite yet, please do so.

Welcome to the online world Schmeds.....try not to eat it!

Let's get some people on the forums...show some life...send me some pix as well!

As always, until next time, stay safe!

Later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"