The Connor Chronicles Volume CXIV

It’s that time of year again, where everyone is just worn down.  As Jackson Brown proclaimed, we are running on empty.  How can you have Happy Holidays when you are exhausted?  I don’t know, maybe the booze will help.  Bottom line….its a nightmare….and that is before spending time with family.

I wrote the previous paragraph a couple of days before Christmas with the intention of posting before Christmas…….and it never happened.  I can tell you that by about 8:30pm on Christmas night I was done.  After a house full of people at our place Christmas eve, and Christmas day with my family, and the evening with Jen’s my body said no mas.  I literally could no longer function.  Brain/body….just shut down.  I was a zombie.  Not good.

Ok, this is a true story.  About two weeks ago, on a Thursday, I wake up at 2:47am to go to the bathroom.  While going I hear running water.  To me it sounds like it is upstairs.  For those of you that do not know, my nephew Nolan moved into the apartment upstairs a couple of months ago. 

I thought nothing of it…..I mean when I was in my early 20’s, taking a shower or something was probably the best thing I was doing at 2:47am.  So I go back to sleep.  At 4:35 I wake up and the water is still running.  So now I am thinking broken pipe.  I go into our spare room which is below Nolan’s bathroom…last time a pipe burst up there, it was this room that got the brunt.  I turn on the light, NOTHING.

I go into our bathroom…..I turn on the light NOTHING.

Maybe I am hearing things……and its downstairs and not up.  I go down to the basement, check that bathroom….NOTHING.  I check the hot water heater….NOTHING.  I check the back room….NOTHING

I still hear it, but cannot find it.   Now I think, maybe it’s the pipe to the hose outside….so out in the yard I go…..in my underwear of course…..NOTHING.

Mind you that Jen is sleeping through my walking around.

So I say, ok, it has to be upstairs.  I go up the staircase to the door to the apartment.  And I hear the water running…..NO DOUBT.  I knock on the door.  NO ANSWER.   I knock again…..NO ANSWER.  Now I am a bit worried.

I check the door, and it is open, so I go in.

Nolan is out cold in his bed.  Someone, I think his cousin Michael, is out cold on the couch.  I am not sure if Kimberly his girlfriend was there……….she is the size of a throw pillow so impossible to tell.

I walk through the entire apartment….nobody moves.  I turn on lights…nobody moves.

I go into the bathroom and turn off the water.  Nobody moves.

If I was not so exhausted I would have disconnected the TV and taken it with me….but I was worried I would have fallen down the steps.

To this day Nolan does not know I was up there.  He will find out when he reads this.

Booze is oh so good….but oh so bad!

Ok, now for the Running Jokes.  There are these gold chalices that I believe were purchased from Ceasars Palace in Vegas ages and ages ago.  I do not even remember who originally purchased them.  They have been given as gifts back and forth amongst friend for years.  For the past 5 years, Jen and I have had them and basically waited for everyone to forget about them.  Well, we gave them to Amy Haggerty for her 4th birthday……….they weigh more than her….hope she likes them.  I hope she doesn’t hit her brother in the head with one…..i would hate to see the chalice get damaged after so long.

Update – again, that paragraph was written before Christmas……..we found an anonymous gift with our names on it…..the Haggerty’s already have given them back.  God forbid we have clutter in the Haggerty house. 

I am going to try a new thing this year…..along the lines of my annual things to be thankful list I write every Thanksgiving.  This time it’s Christmas gifts I think should be sent….so here we go.  Okay, this idea too was before Christmas…..so it is now gits I wish were given, but alas, were not.  There is always next year!

Tickets to “How to succeed in business without really trying” for Jack/Joe Donovan…..oh wait the play is based on them?

A wardrobe consultant for Simon Cowell.  I mean is this guy a cartoon character?  He wears the same thing every single day…..its like he is a member of Peanuts.
I am worried about Harry’s health….someone should get him a gym membership……wait, what, he works in a gym?

The complete Cheers series on DVD for Jimmy Jacs.  This collection shows that it is possible to know everyones name,  be funny, and STILL serve drinks.   Being a bartender, that last one is probably the most important.  Unfortunately Jacs bases his bartending on the movie cocktail, only without the fancy shit.  He entertains everyone, but never a drink is poured.   NOTE:  I am hoping he does not read this till next week as I plan on going to Donovans tonight.  But back to the movie cocktail.  There are HUNDREDS of people in these HUGE clubs, and ZERO drinks being served?  How are they making money?  Why are people going there?  Anyone?  Buhler?

Does Rosetta Stone have a drunken Tracey DVD?  I wish someone would have gotten me that.  I mean the Youth Council dance is only a few weeks away and it would be nice to know what Face is trying to say as Tom is dragging her across the avenue.

Speaking of Tom, I wish someone would have gotten him some cool music or sports memorabilia.  Being that he is not allowed to keep anything in his house, it would have ended up in ours.

Tickets to anywhere that does not have media coverage for the entire Kardashian crew.  I mean, isn’t their 15 minutes up yet?  Send them to wherever Paris Hilton went….please.

Happy Birthday to Annie (TODAY)!

Happy Birthday to Kathy & Michael (TOMORROW)

I hope you all enjoyed your Christmas. And I wish you and your loved ones Health & Happiness in the New Year! If you have room for one more resolution...make it this, spend more time with family and friends in the New Year....spend more time laughing.

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"