The Connor Chronicles Volume CVIII

Well, its that time of year again, time to be thankful.  So below I’ll give you my list….which is followed by a couple of work travel stories (you know how those go) that I wrote back in July and never posted…..so without further ado….the annual things I’m thankful for.

I’m thankful that they are talking decent wind tomorrow for the parade…….it aint no fun if a giant kung fu panda isn’t kicking buildings baby!

I’m thankful the mets fired Jerry Manual and the Vikings fired Brad Childress……I just wish I was able to write this on last years list!

I’m thankful for Monday night comedies……like Mike and Molly…….nothing like funny fat people!  2.5 men…….how do they get away with that?  And of course How I met your mother…..The Gentleman!

I’m thankful for novacain……just got back from the dentist…..she gave me 4 shots…..i cant feel my face!

I’m thankful for red wine………..that got me through the tooth pain last night!

I’m thankful that Annie, Donna and Amy ran the NYC marathon and that I went down to watch……absolutely great time………and great job ladies.

I’m thankful for Golf……it is humbling….and we all (I more than most) need to be humbled once in a while….went from playing some great rounds to an absolute disaster…..god I suck.

I’m thankful for the Boston Celtics teaching the Heat a lesson….TWICE….especially since my football season is over!

I’m thankful for reruns of Las Vegas in HD……..wow.

While I’m at it…I’m thankful for Las Vegas……..double wow!

I’m thankful for the John Kelly song……..its just fun!

I’m thankful for finally taking the time to write something…..i like writing….its relaxing.

And as always, I’m thankful to all of you who spend a few minutes (and minutes are more valuable than anything) to read when you can!

And before I sign off……..below stories of business travel….written back in July.

It’s not exactly “Diane From Guest Services I’m stuck in the elevator”, but my 2 recent business trips are worth writing about!  First I went to Culpeper VA, which is about as exciting as it sounds, hell they are even missing a P in Culpeper!

Its interesting working for Sony these days…….outsourcing the vast majority of IT jobs to India, and building a new global data center in Culpeper Virginia at the same time.  This was my first site visit to the location of the new data center.  You have to get there by taking an Amtrak train from NY Penn Station to Washington D.C.  You then drive about 90 minutes to 2 hours to Culpeper.  It’s only 60 miles, but takes 90-120 minutes….yep, this is what I had to look forward to.

So this trip consisted of 12 people.  10 Sony employees, 9 of which were fat slob americans like me and the other a fat slob from Turkey who likes Country music…..dont ask!  The other 2 people were from India……..they were not fat slobs….well not fat anyway.

I’ve got to catch a 7am Amtrak out of Penn….first trip on Amtrak…..so I have to catch a 6:08am LIRR out of Woodside, which means a 5:45 cab from the house.  At Penn I run into one of the guys from work…..we have a few minutes so we hit the deli……I order my Bacon and 2 fried eggs on a buttered roll with salt and pepper……..Did I mention we were fat slobs….and we head for the train.  Sit down on the train, open up my sandwhich and its got CHEESE AND Ketsup on it!  End the trip now!

So, the Amtrak ride down was uneventful (other than the sandwich disaster)….and arrives in DC at 10am………so, I’ve been out of my house for more than 4 hours, and I still have 2 hours of commute left before we can start working for the day…….FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!

Sony had arranged for a large van to pick us all up instead of renting several cars.  We walk out of Union Station into 100 degree heat with 100% humidty……FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC………walk the 100 Yards (I’m not Adrian Peterson) across the circle to the van that is waiting…….NOTE it was easier for the driver than going around the circle to us………did I say FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC?

So, 12 guys, 9 fat americans, a fat Hungarian and 2 skinny Indians……for a 10 passenger van………all together now……FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!  So we throw all the luggage in the back……….we literally sausage casing squeeze the 10 fat guys in, force an indian into the back row….and throw the last Indian on top of the luggage……hey, back home he would be hanging on the outside of the van and smiling……so I don’t care if its not politically correct!

We ask the driver how remote Culpeper VA is, and he says, its not to bad, where I live is way more remote.  We then spend the next 100 minutes making jokes about how we are in the middle of nowhere……so what do you think the driver thought of the 10 fat bastards he was driving around?

We stop for lunch…..and im absolutely starving (see sandwhich disaster above)….its 11:10am…we pull into some restaurant parking lot…..doors say open at 11….doors locked……we knock, they open, we enter…….and they seat us……and country music starts blaring…..and not like Toby Keith, or Carrie Underwood, I’m talking hillbilly bob and his toothless wife!  The fat Hungarian is in his glory.  I just want food!

We eat lunch, which was more than decent……..and pile back in the van, same indian on the luggage….next stop the new data center facility……in the middle of nowhere…..we get there about 1:15pm.

Walk into the lobby, and the security guard in military type garb (pants tucked into boots) carrying a 9mm glock checks us in….but there are 12 of us and only 1 of her, and that is not allowed so 2 more GI Dopes…errr Joes come running in with their glocks.  Now we are told to sit in a waiting area, a lobby, very comfy leather chairs and couches.  That is when you realize you are about to go through metal detectors and your bags will be X-rayed. 

So at this point if you have a weapon, or bomb you would take it out of your bag and put it under a nice leather couch so you don’t get caught.

One by one we go through the metal detectors….and we all have no issues…..except the country music loving Hungarian who has a belt buckle that looks like the grill off of a 76 cadilac el dorado.  He has to be manually searched…….we were all chanting for a rectal search, but GI Dope was having none of it.

So now we are all through the massive security process……but we need to wait for our escort…….so what do they do…..they walk us back to the lobby and that’s that.  It is now that you would pick up your bomb/weapon and be able to carry it the rest of the day with your escort.

We spend the next several hours meeting, then we are heading to the hotel…and when I say the hotel, im pretty confident it is THE ONLY hotel.  Luckily one of the people on the data center staff was staying in the same place so some of us got to ride with him……..well, luckily for the indian riding the luggage anyway.

We check into the hotel…..ONE AT A TIME MIND YOU…….and have to be back down stairs in 15 minutes to go to dinner.  Drop bag off, head to dinner……and the surprise of a lifetime, dinner was AWESOME……..really enjoyable…and the beer was ice cold.  Of course in typical woodside fashion, the data center guy that was staying in our hotel knows a ton of Woodside folks……funny stuff.

After dinner, back to THE HOTEL, stop at the bar next door for a night cap……which turns out to be an evening cap as they called last call at 10:30………..10 FREAKING 30!  I mean why open?

Lets fast forward past the next days meetings so that I don’t get in trouble with sony….in any event, they send a larger van with basically a horse trailer on the back (for our luggage not me) for the ride back to DC.  We are scheduled for a 7:10pm train.  We leave the data center at 3:15…..we get to Union Station at 5pm!  We (ALL 12 of US) pay $41 each to get on the 6:05 train!  Of course as soon as we all pay….they announce the 6:15pm is delayed.  We go and have a few beers.

At 6:10 they tell us we can board……we line up……..and wait…..and wait…..and wait….and wait……valuable beer time rolling away.  We finally board the train at about 6:40pm.  But now we are waiting……and waiting…….and waiting……..move valuable beer time……….and at about 6:55pm they announce we will be taking on more passengers, to make room for them………the passengers that got on of course are from the 7:10pm train we were SUPPOSED to be on, but these folks didn’t have to pay to leave “early”…….we pull out of the station at 7:15…..5 minutes later and $41 lighter.

So we are all being loud and joking………..its right about then that the conductor (or as MaryAnn would say, the instructor) came over and told us there was no talking, that we were in the Quiet car!  WHAT THE FUCK IS A QUIET CAR?  I don’t know, but we make a quick trip to the Bar car to help alleviate the tension!  Lets just say there were a few more trips to the bar car….to the point that they ran out of all beer….except blue moon which is great if you have scurvy.

The instructor…err conductor continues to remind us of 2 things:

1. This is the quiet car
2. Due to heat conditions the train cant run at high rates of speed.

Left the data center at 3:15pm, walked in the house about 11:15pm.  So lets total this up.  Was out of the house 41.5 hours.  Spent 15.5 hours commuting, 10 hours at hotel, 3 hours at dinner and 13 hours in the data center.  OUCH!  So lets recap one point….15.5 hours commuting, and 13 hours in data center.  Just when you think it cant get any worse I bring you to today….July 13th!

Where I left the house at 5:30am to catch a 7:30 flight to Toronto to meet with….and I swear im not making this up, the head of Sony Canada Infrastructure who is from……INDIA!

My flight just got delayed by 15 minutes….which is nothing compared to the 2 guys with me who got delayed for almost 4 hours….hopefully we all get out soon.  I’ll finish this tomorrow, when I can total up the commute vs work hours!  I will say this……BEER IS COLD in Toronto…..eh!

Well, boarded the flight, waited 30 minutes to take off, flew to NYC, about 60 minutes, then waited 45 minutes for a gate at LGA…..so 135 minutes on the plane, less than half that in the air…..NICE!

Walked in the house at about 10:30…….a cool 17 hours after I left………….so lets total this one up.  About 5 hours of meetings and about 11.5 hours of commuting!

Everyone enjoy your Thanksgiving…..enjoy time with family and friends.  Enjoy good food, Enjoy good drinks……enjoy good times.

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"