The Connor Chronicles Volume CVII

Breaking News, this just in, and we at The Connor Chronicles are ALL over it!  Legendary entertainer Michael Jackson has died!!!!  Despite his career dying some 15 years ago, people around the world are mourning the loss of the King of Pop as if they just found out the world ran out of fried cheese….Tee Hee!  Shamar!

However, being journalists of the utmost integrity we at The Connor Chronicles have been reaching out via eMail to many who have known Michael to get their feedback.  Here are some of the eMails we have gotten……tweet this……we get better info!

McCauley Culken: “What a tragic lost.  Michael touched me in soooooo many ways”

Lisa Marie Presley:  “He NEVER touched me in any ways”

Joe Jackson:  “Listen you asshole……I’m not THAT Joe Jackson.  It’s bad enough I have some crazy woman in Woodside who mistakes ‘Is She Really Going Out With Him’ for ‘Thank God Im A Country Boy’, email me for a comment again and I will go THAT Joe Jackson all over your fat ass”

The right Joe Jackson “I beat the black out of him”

Stevie Wonder: “…. .. …… .. ……. …. …… ………”

Sir Paul McCartney:  “Why do I lose all the talented people in my life?  First John, then George, now Michael.  Yet that one legged cunt still hops the earth, and that one armed drumming asshole Ringo is still playi……wait, whats that?  He’s got 2 bloody arms!?!  Are you shitting me!  I’ve been cutting him slack all these years!  Oh god and we gave up Pete Best for that asshole!  Well, at least that bitch Yoko is gone….what she’s still alive too……bloody Christ!”

My cousin, also named Michael Jackson: “Looks like I moved up one on the best dancers named Michael Jackson chart”

Chris Brown “I dance like Michael and punch like his daddy……right Rihanna!”

Ok, the following is a 100% true story…happened to me & Jen Wednesday night, Thursday morning.

We went to bed just before 11……I fall into a dead sleep in minutes.  Just after midnight phone rings and I jump out of bed…no idea where I am, answer the phone and its someone from Sony’s Terra Haute help desk telling me about some executive with an issue in Japan.  I tell the guy to call someone in Japan as I cant help someone who is 19 time zones away.

Back to bed…both out cold again.  Now, shortly after 2am we hear something outside…we assume it’s the screen door blowing up against the window…that we didn’t close it properly.  I get up, open the blinds to find im face to face with a guy trying to break in through the window!  I raise the blinds and say “What the fuck are you doing?”  He motions for me to let him in the door or open the window.  “I say get the fuck out of here” as im looking for a phone to call the police.  The guy is not panicked, he is not freaking, hes just basically asking to be let in.  I keep telling him to get the fuck out of here and he starts to walk away.

We go out to the living room in the front of the house where I dial 911 as I watch the guy casually walk out the driveway and down the block.  This is the exchange between me, the 911 operator and 2 others on the phone.

911 op “This is 911 did you need the police”

Me “yes”

911 “Whats your emergency”

Me “there is a guy trying to break into my house”

911 “Is he still there”

Me “hes walking out my driveway and going down the block”

911 “Can you describe him”

Me (note I watch a lot of Law and order…A LOT):  “Male Hispanic, about 6 foot, 190 pounds, buzz cut, no shirt, gray shorts, flip flops, tattoo on his right arm”

911 “Ok, male Hispanic, what else”

Yes….we went back and forth until she got it

911 “Whats your address”

Me “Five Zero dash One Three Six Five Place”

911 “Between what avenues”

Me:  “50th and 51st”

911 “Is that near Chris Street”

Me “Ive never heard of Chris Street”

911 “Police are on their way”

Me “Thanks”

At this point I hang up, and 1 minute later the phone rings

Me “Hello”

Woman “Did you call the NYPD”

Me “yes”

Woman “Are you going to talk to the cops”

Me “yes”

Woman “Well they are outside”

Me “They are not outside, I’m looking out the window” (me and jen both looking out the window now, corner to corner)

Woman “Yes they are”

Me “We are looking out our window, We can see the entire block and there is not a cop in sight”

Woman “Hold Please” 

About a minute of silence

Woman “They are en route”

At this point I hang up and about 2 minutes later phone rings

Me “Hello”

Man “Did you call the NYPD”

Me “Yes”

Man “They are outside”

Me “No, they are not, im looking out my window and they are not here”

Man “Hold please”

About 2 minutes of silence

Man “They are en route”

About 2 minutes later a squad car pulls up.  By now Jen and I had noticed that our neighbor across the streets front door was wide open.  I fill the cops in on what happened to us and point out the neighbors door.  They ask me to get in and ride around looking for the guy.  I am not lying when I say there are about 5 inches of leg room in the back of a police car (my godson Nolan confirmed this during his recent arrest(s)), and it took me at least 90 seconds to find a way to get in there.  We drove up and down some streets, saw nothing.  The only block we did NOT go down was the one behind my house….i thought it was the first we should have hit, but hey what do I know.  During our travels we run into 2 other cars including a seargent who asks the deal…they fill him in….he says “no dirty work” which is their secret code for don’t even fill out a report (it was really hard to figure that out…unreal).  They ask me (swear to god) how to get back to my house.

We pull up and go into the back yard where they are looking around.  We find the screen from our window that the guy took out.   One cop asked how did he get that out……seriously…he did.  As we are back there Jen comes back and says someone is walking by outside that fits the description a bit…but she only saw him quick.  We go out and walking away is a guy who from behind matches it to a T except he is wearing a shirt and is carrying the flip flops……he has the buz cut the shorts.  The guy is swaying side to side.  The cops start moving in on him flashlights on him, hands on their guns…..we get within 7 feet and the guy turns around….he’s asian, I say its not him………now there are 2 cops with lights in his eyes hands on their guns….what does the guy do?  He just turns around and keeps going.

We go back to the house……I point out my neighbors door….AGAIN……..they ignore that and leave.

I go inside and Jen says while you were out driving with them the bell rang…..it was 2 more squad cars saying “did you call the police”

You CAN NOT make this stuff up.

Some quick tidbits from my last trip to California.

I’m standing on line at the airport, the security zig zag like waiting for rolling thunder at Great Adventure.  And this girl behind me says “look at all these people, theres no way we can all get on the plane”    Are people that stupid?  Does she really think there is only one plane leaving the airport that day?

Went to a Dodger vs mets game (the infamous missing 3rd base game, back when Jose Reyes was going to be out a day or 2) and the fans are paying more attention to the beach balls being hit around……..FRUSTRATING…..freaking idiots.

Went up to get some food…there were 4 of us.  We order 4 hot dogs….oh sorry dodger dogs…..the person goes and gets them ONE AT A TIME.  We were on line for 2 and a half innings!

That’s all I have for now!

Get well Kevin Mills, Mrs. Leanord, Mrs Pace, Mr. Clifford!  I hope im not missing anyone, cause we have too many people we care about that are not feeling well.!

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"