The Connor Chronicles Volume CVI

Hi, My name is Dan, and I’m an idiot!  Seriously, I think I’m losing it.  Twice this week I came to work without my Sony ID.  How is that possible?  Just like most of you my morning routine is the same every single day.  Now, sure once in a while we can forget something if we are distracted or have something else on our mind….but twice in one week?  And that’s not the worst of it.

Last Friday…..i have the first softball game of the year….so I have to bring other stuff with me in the morning.  But I’m well aware, I’m making a point of not forgetting anything.

Get up, shower, walk the dog……..in this instance I literally mean walk the dog……with me you have to clarify these things.

Start getting ready to leave.

Money/wallet:  check

Keys:     check

Gym bag with change of clothes:  check

Softball gag:  check

Alright, off I go.  In the car, down the blvd of death, over the Queensborough and towards the office.  It’s 7:10am as I pull alongside the Sony building……damn I made great time.  Then it hits me.  I fogot my briefcase!  Seriously, how is that possible?  My laptop and everything else is in there!  Around the block and try to get back home……..of course there is only one way out over the bridge during rush hour.  By the time I get back to the house its so late that even Jen is ready to leave for work.  So now she gets a ride in (someone has to benefit from my stupidity), and I pull back alongside the Sony building at 9:10am.  That’s right 2 hours round trip to go about 8 miles….seriously is this LA?

Another genius move of mine was last month when I rushed out of NJ at like noon to get to Woodside so I can jump on the LIRR and head into MSG for the Big East tourney.  Grab a primo spot on 63rd and woodside……awesome, on the LIRR and at the garden at like 1:15…that is insane!

Many hours and a few beers later I’m getting off the LIRR and cant find the car……damn I know I was in a rush, but this is where I parked.  Read the sign…..and yes, for some reason this 20 foot stretch of 63rd street is deemed a no parking area from 8am-60…..only these 20 feet!!!!!! 

Van is towed……which means a stupid amount of money and dealing with fun NYC employees.

JK offers to drive me to the tow yard the next morning….they open at 9am.  He picks me up and we head to a big lot under the Kosciuszko (and yes that is spelled correctly)……at the entrance to the lot is a little shack slightly bigger than a Port-O-Potty with a service window.  I walk up to the window and there is this female police officer who is the same size of the shack stuffed inside of it.  I ask her where I go and as she speaks all I can see is what is either a pierced tounge or she is still chewing on the chrome bumper of the last car that came in.  She then points me in the direction of a trailer.

I walk into the trailer and to my left is a counter with one woman behind the window and another sitting way behind her……she’s must be in charge.  I walk up to the window and say Good Morning to which the LOVELY lady behind the counter doesn’t even look up and says “Voucher Number”….the rest of the conversation as it happened is below…….i’m identified as Me…and the Lovely Lady is identified as LL

Me:  Sorry?

LL (with tude):   Voucher Number  (from here out instead of me typing (tude) each time…just know she had tude!

Me:  Arent you a ray of sunshine!  I don’t have a voucher number…my car was towed yesterday….did someone leave a voucher number or call me?

LL:  Its not my job to be a ray of sunshine.  Registration

Me:  My registration is in the vehicle  (please note its 9am….im her first customer)

LL:  Insurance

Me:  It’s in the vehicle…..where do you keep yours?

LL:  Last Name

Me:  Connor…….might make sense to modify your process to start with that question.

LL:  First Name

Me:  Daniel

LL: Make of vehicle

Me:  Dodge Grand Caravan

LL:  Then Dodge would be the make

Me:  Your next question was model…….just trying to improve the process.  (she does not find me funny)

LL:  That will be $185……..Cash Only

Little Spanish Lady Behind Me:  Cash Only…….Ay Dios Mio  (spelled that correctly too by the way)

Me:  Cash Only?

LL:  My Machine is broke

Me:  No, your machine is broken…..from the sounds of it the little Spanish lady behind me is broke (she is really not finding me funny now)

LL:  Take this to the officer at the entrance.

Me:  Thanks, have a lovely day.

LL:  (sound of crickets chirping)

So, out to the shack I go to see if she is done chewing on the chrome bumper.  I show shack girl my recieipt she says ok, get in that police car and the officer will drive you to your car.

Now the lots not that big….is this really necessary?

I get in the back of the car…..yeah, im a perp baby!  Another fine physical specimen in a police uniform is behind the wheel…..shes so big shes also behind the glove compartement.   Seriously, this trip if anything has been a moral booster…….im a fine physical specimen.

So I show her my receipt…and I say “hey, this is a pretty sweet gig”…..she says, “yeah, im pretty lucky”.  At least she knows it.  I say, so how many cars do you get in here a day.  She says “Well, there are 8 tow trucks, and they each have to bring in 4 cars per day minimum.  And there are 2 shifts.”    And that is just for this 1 lot!  There are like 4 lots in Queens alone!  Where does all this money go?  Is it paying for the food for these 2?

So, my driver, drives me literally 20 yards…..60 freaking feet to my car.  They couldn’t have just pointed to it?  Its not like they pull it out for you.  She drove 20 yards, I got out…got in my van and drove away.

Now fast forward 2 weeks.  I show up at the Marina to pay for the summer dockage for our dingy.  The Marina is also owned/operated by NYC…….just like the tow yard.

I walk in and they tell me what I owe.  I pull out cash and start counting.  Guy behind the counter.  “We cant take cash”.    Hang on, I ask “why not?” to which he tells me “city policy”. 

So, one city agency is only taking cash, another wont take cash…….CASH……..the government wont take government issued currency!!!!!!

Ladies and gentleman New York Shitty….err…I mean City.

Jen and I have a new dog…..Gracie….or as we call her Crazy Gracie.  She thinks shes a cat.  We have an 8 foot bay window that we cant put anything on anymore because the crazy dog (cat) jumps up  there and sits and lays down.

So between her superior jumping ability and her rapid hair loss (she sheds like crazy) she is clearly my child.

Our co-ed softball season hasn’t started yet, but we have a better rotation than the Mets. 

The 7th Annual Tommy Ashton Tournament is this weekend kicking off tonight with the over 40 tourney at the Parish Center.   Colleen Ashton is ducking out of the work by getting an emergency appendectomy on Wednesday!  Seriously Coll, we hope you are recovering well, and if they let you out (she may be out already) I know you are going to work your butt off……please take it easy and get well!

The tourney continues tomorrow with the general mens and womans brackets.  10am start tomorrow with games at the Center and PS 11.  Visit www.thomasashtonfoundation.com for all the details.

Next Friday, May 1st is Trivia Time at Donovans!

And Saturday May 16th St Sebastian Alumni Association honors The Ashton Family and Harry Connor Jr. at a dinner Dance.  Call 718 429 1982 ext 3 for details.

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"