The Connor Chronicles Volume CII

Today I asked myself “Self, how do you know you are fat?”  Let me count the ways….Is it realizing that Schmeds can almost squeeze into one of my sweatshirts?  No, that’s an indicator, but that’s not it.  Could it be sitting in Donovans and someone walking in and saying as they approach me…“Hey Harry”….no, that’s disturbing, but that’s not it.  How about the fact that I’m running out of room in my expandable waste line pants…..thats depressing, but that’s not it either!

No, no, no…..I know I’m fat because I’ve come to the point that in order to cut my toenails I’m considering a pedicure because its too much work to do myself!

Milk costs more per gallon than gas……come on that has to be a bigger outrage?  Why isn’t it?  For christs sakes its freaking Milk!!!!!  Milk some more cows!  Whats so hard about this?

But we complain about the price of gas…..doesnt surprise me….we are a country of people that pays for bottled water………some of which is not even treated….its just tap water in a bottle. 

Gas in Venezuala is 16 cents per gallon……..now that’s an outrage.

Let me get this straight, you dive off a spring board, into a pool, you are in the water for less than 10 seconds, but you have to shower for 10 minutes immediately following?

Scores in gymnastics now go to like 16.475 and crap?  Does that mean Marylou sucked with her 10?

While sitting on the throne this morning I pondered…..”who does less?  The sheriff of mayberry?  The maytag repairman?  Or jimmy jacs behind the bar at donovans?  Then I realized I could have used John Kelly, Mike Haggerty, Larry Fay and about 10 other people as the punch line to that joke!

Another Olympic question I have.  I’m watching indoor womens volleyball and they play 4 grueling sets that go into the 20’s….great stuff….tied at 2 sets each.  They play a 5th set…..but the 5th set only goes to 15 points?  Ummmmm…..why?  Do we only play until 3 in the 5th set of mens tennis? 

In baseball if the score is tied I think after only 2 extra innings…..you start each inning after that with runners on 2nd and 3rd and get to pick who bats….no order….just pick.   With the Mets bullpen, if we were ever still tied after 2 extra innings….id take this rule in a heart beat!

Michael Phelps is not human…..not in a Vern Troyer type of way…in a good way.

Andy Dick is the most appropriately named celebrity of all time!

Brett Favre having trouble with the Jet playbook…..im thinking the playbook isn’t that complex….im thinking brett is, in the words of the immortal Grgo Buva (real name) “me big dumb guy, me throw ball”.

Which stadium will be free to come down first?  Yankee or shea?  As Billy Joel says…”they blew the Bronx away, they said that Queens could stay”.

Congratulations to Aideen and Brian Anderson……they’ve added to their roster with the arrival of Kevin Joseph Anderson on June 20th!  Everyone is doing well.

Don’t forget these upcoming events!!!  Check the Events Page for more details!!!

Details on the foot ball pool ("Big Mikes NFL Showdown") will be out early next week. I've got the site up and am running some tests!

Annual Tommy Miney Memorial Picnic – Saturday September 13th!

Woodside Walks in memory of Donna Dennis – Saturday September 20th!

Parish Center 40th Anniversary Party – Saturday October 25th!

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"