The Connor Chronicles Volume C

Wow, the 100th Chronicles.   It only took like 6 and a half years!  In that time do we think Schmeds gained a pound for each Chronicles?
Some of you might have noticed that as of last week no new episodes of The Sarah Connor Chronicles are airing on FOX.  You can thank our lawyers for that as we sue them for using the Connor Chronicles name without our permission.  Sure they are telling everyone it’s due to the writers strike……but that’s their clever way of saying that it’s this writers striking out at them…….yeah boooyyyyyyyy!

So Heather Mills got like 50 million in the divorce from Paul McCartney and she’s not happy….she wanted $250 million.  Now, I’m not the biggest McCartney fan, but come on!  The man was a freaking Beatle, he wrote some of the best songs of all time!  He made millions and millions of people happy and that’s how he got his wealth.  Now this bitch deserves money for what?  Sucking his schwanson for 4 years?  That made one person happy…..not millions!

Now lets say they had an unbelievably great sex life for a guy in his 60’s and a bitch with one leg.  So, to give them the benefit of the doubt lets say they shagged 3 nights a week on average…disregarding that there were probably times they were apart for weeks at a time, or times when she was having her leg refinished or something.  So, 3 X 52 = 156.  Times that by 4 years and you get 624!

Now, lets say that they are total horn dogs and go 4 hours each and every time!  I don’t know, maybe he screws her with her own leg.  Here is what Paul COULD have and probably SHOULD have done!  He could have had Governor Spitzers super hot high priced ho, 624 times at 8600 (the governors 2 hour rate of 4300 * 2 for the 4 hour rate) for 5.3 million!  That’s right!  For about 1/10th of what he’s giving this bitch he could have had a hotter woman and no strings attached!!!!   Do I have to think of everything?

Not to mention the money he could have saved on Pledge!

If she doesn’t take the leg off did he get wood burns on his hips?

Just did a trip to Californian….2 days in San Diego which is pretty sweet….and 2 days in LA…and it was typical LA nonsense.

Some new observations on the differences between NY and Cali around the dining experience.  In NY we have waiters and in California they are servers.  This is typical….ass backwards shit.  I do much more waiting for my food in Cali and get served more in NY.    And in NYC if you want to take something home you ask your waiter to wrap it up for you.  They take it away and put it in a to go dish and bag.  In California, you ask the server for a box.  They bring you a box and you are on your own to scoop your crap into the box right there at the table.  Again…..where is the “serving”?

I’ll be making more trips to Cali and will take better notes…..ive been slacking off…my apologies.

I was scheduled for a bit of a physical through work tomorrow, but had to cancel because of some work stuff.  Some of you know that I just had a COMPLETE physical about 2 months ago.  So why would I do it again?  Here’s why.  My doctor is Dr. Ascensio and the man is a freaking quack…..thats all there is to it.  I called and said “im 40 now & I MUST have a COMPLETE physical”.  They said, no problem we do it all right here.  I thought great.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve been dreading this for a long time, but you have to do it.  I get there and my COMPLETE physical took all of 15 minutes.  3 of which were spent with the doctor.  Nurse gave me an EKG.  Nurse drew blood.  Nurse gave me cup to piss in.  Doc came in, listened to me breath, read the EKG and said all looks good!

Now, never mind the 40 thing, but a complete physical should include a grab and cough of the boys.  And at 40, I should be getting introduced to the boldly go where no man has gone before treatment.  And never mind the stuff I was dreading….but how about a stress test? 

And here’s the kicker……I call for the results of my blood work.  I figure my cholesterol has to be around Schmeds weight.  For christs sake I live on fried cheese and bacon!  They tell me my choloestorol is 204.  That happens to be what it was when they tested me 5 years ago.  Anyone else think they looked at the wrong fucking chart?

You think Harry is looking forward to baseball season?  True story, 2 weeks ago, that’s right, first week of March, he was watching the REPLAY of a mets spring training game.

For years ive been talking about my run for mayor of NY….well, time to step it up to Governor….sexual deviants are preferred apparently!
Over 20 of us converged on Raleigh for our annual Easter visit to Charlie, Sue & the kids……the girls usually hate the 3 hour we spend watching met games each day…..well this year its March madness and we get 12 hours of hoops…….um, lets just say their not happy.

We flew down….Jet Blue…..got to catch the Fresh Prince and the Carlton Dance!!!!  But the best laugh is watching Harry walk onto this small 2 x 2 plane.  And then watching as the person who is sitting next to him realize that they drew the short straw……or the very big straw depending on how you look at it.

I’m looking forward to baseball season…… brushing up on my Spanish to follow Los Mets.

Alright, gotta go and have another diet pepsi….hahahah…that might be the funniest thing ever written in the chronicles……..well, other than wishing kennys eyeglass frames a happy 29th birthday a few years back.   In the spirit of full disclosure my diet pepsi is washing down about a pound of bacon and 2 sausage links, 2 eggs, and the 17 pizza bites I had at midnight with my 73rd Amstel……yeah, I need that physical.

Big Congrats to Chris & Carol on the arrival of Jayden!

Also, a wish of be well to Maureen O’Rourke who I understand is doing really well…..great to hear!

Happy Easter to you and your families!

And finally, thanks again for humoring me these past 6 plus years….you’ll never understand how much I truly appreciate it!

As always, until next time, stay safe, later,
Dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"