| The Other Side of 50
Since before I was born my favorite band has ben singing about their hopes of dying before they get old. In fact I’ve watched them sing it live multiple times in the past few years so I’m not exactly sure what age they consider old. For me, I’m thinking the number might be 50.
My favorite poet wrote about a point in life where we come to a fork in the road and deciding which path to take. I’m not sue when Robert Frost felt that time was, but the right number once again might be 50.
Seriously, now that I’m on the other side of 50 are these things more relevant to me?
That’s just another question that I don’t know the answer to. I never minded getting older. It never phased me at all. However, these past few months, as 50 was getting bigger in my rearview mirror I must admit that I’ve been struggling with the reality that is my own mortality.
I write this on what is my fathers 89th birthday. He’s been gone for going on 15 years now and I wonder to myself when he started to face these same realities. Was it at 50? Was it when be became seriously ill?
Did he take comfort in knowing the legacy he left behind? Did he focus on this successes or his failures?
Despite the image that I put forward I always have more questions than answers. It might also surprise you to know that I have always focused more on my failures than my successes. The memories of the failures are much more vivid.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. I’ve had many successes. However, it’s the failures; the mistakes, that consume my mind during the quet times Perhaps that’s why I limit the quite times in my life; because they get incredibly dark.
Now here I am, on the other side of 50. Instead of having more answers, I have more questions. What legacy will I leave behind? Will it be based on success or failure? Will I get to a point where the quiet moments aren’t filled with darkness, or will the darkness turn to regret?
I’m certain there will be more successes, but will I get to a point where they become the focus of my memories? Is it when I get to the fork in the road? I ask again, am I at that point? When I do get to that point will I know it? More importantly, will I choose the road less traveled? If so, will it make all the difference?
Whatever road I choose I know just two things.
- The Who will be playing
- I’ll be thinking of Dad
Happy Birthday Big Irish. Even I find it hard to believe that your youngest is on the other side of 50. The thing I'm proudes ot is being part of your legacy. Can I ask a favor thought? Daddy, say a prayer for mine.
As always, until next time, stay safe!
later,
dan
"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you
let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you
who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!" |