Chronic Pains!!!

Yes, these are actual eMails from actual people, not my imaginary friends!!!

Dan,
btw - it may be just me and you watching,..... but Studio 60 is f'ing brilliant. and i rate it on the brilliant meter each week by how many times jenn says "you find this funny?" and i say..... "i'm sorry that it's not "dancing with the stars"
DanO from Long Island

The Chrismas Show episode was incredibly well written!!! I suggest for Christmas you get Jenn a few Friends DVD's and send her to the other room on Monday nights!

Dan,
Under the heading of un F'in believable, last monday at my school was parent/teacher night. Usually during these little functions the teachers will recieve some small tokens of appreciation from parents. usually these gifts are cute little things that only represent that a parent or child wants to say thanks. So yesterday, I am sitting in my closet office and a parent visits and informs me that her daughter is doing great in 6th grade (i taught her in 5th) and that the change is wonderful and she wants to say thank you in a special way. She tells me she is sending in a gift that Ms P. (maria teaches with me) and I will enjoy. Well this morning the girl delivers to me a plastic bag... in it, I find 10 VIAGRA Lollipops. Now there is a gift that keeps on giving. Gotta love f'in parents.
Mr.P from PS11

Now high comedy would be if this poor girl mixed up that bag with her goodie bag and accidentally shared with the boys in class!!! I mean a bunch of 6th graders walking around with erections for hours is a rare site....usually doesnt happen until 7th or 8th grade! At least we know what Maria will be getting for Christmas! Oh and Chris, remember erections lasting more than 4 hours you should see your doctor immediately!

Dan,
I know you have a penchant for terrible jokes....just came up with my own.
How do you kill a Jewish vampire? With a Rabb-eye steak. Hardy har har!!!
JimmyJacs fromWoodside

Came up with that one all by yourself? For a joke writer your a hell of a bartender.......and that's saying something!

Dear Dan and Jen,
Thank u for the invite. We will try to stop by. The invite will definately get you points when i pick a new co-ed to play on this summer. haha.
And tell Jen, she should have used the "elf" technique when decorating the tree. Happy holidays!
p.s. what happened to the blow up decorations that used to be in front of your house? i have nothing to tag-up on this year.
RobM from Santa's workshop!

Hey, if you guys do stop by (and we hope you do) come around the back.....less steps for you to climb up!!!

Dan,

Thanks Danny, now that I have pee'd in my pants from laughing so hard.......Kristin from Woodside by way of TX
It does look like he is missing some teeth..........................................................Pat from Long Island
it's true what they say about wide belts.....very slimming! ................................DanO from Long Island
My God! I think I’ll convert to Judaism after that!...........................................Coll from the Big6

That's just a sample of the feedback from the John Kelly as an elf video I sent......god I love the Intenet!

Dan,
So i'm on a 12-seater bucket plane on my way from chicago to iowa, and the 2 hicks behind me just had a conversation that ended with the words: "LA SUCKS!" that's a direct quote. looks like it's nationwide sentiment.
Kristy aka Guch Kiernan from Woodside

I don't know what's more upsetting.....that the hicks agree with me or that you went to Iowa!?! Was it a Field of Dreams Road Trip? Witness protection? Are you stalking Radar from MASH? I need answers!!! Did you need time away from Chris and even he wouldnt follow you there? Seriously someone needs to explain this to me.

As always, until next time, stay safe!

later,
dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"