Chronic Pains!!!

Yes, these are actual eMails from actual people, not my imaginary friends!!!

Dan,
I don't know if you saw this; The genius who deemed that all level 3 sex offenders should be confined to their homes after 3:00 p.m. on Halloween! FUCKING JACKPOT!!!! Not even Domino's Pizza can beat this home delivery treat!
Larry from Acra

First off, for those you who don't know Larry, he is waiting for Dick Clark to die which will make him the worlds oldest teanager! And did I see this? Are you kidding me! I'm sure this will have a prominent spot in the Next Chronicles!!! Might as well have told all kids to go dressed as gifts!!!

Dan,
don't dumb down the comedy! ever! if somebody needs an explanation as to who Dustin Diamond is you don't want to be there friend anyway! and yes....thanks for duante. as bad as he is playing, i put way more of the blame on Saban and the offensive line.
DanO from Long Island

Your absolutely right! Screech Powers is one of the most memorable TV chacters of the last 20 years!!! Never figured him for a Dirty Sanchez type of guy, but hey whatever floats your boat! Oh, and good luck with the first overall draft pick this year!!!

Dan,
FIRST I am going to say that I tell people all the time that IN MY BUBBLE that used to be Guiliani Times there were less homeless people. SECOND, I never ever look at your clips but I decided to just now quickly. I didnt notice the ratings I went to the shark and whale one..........a. it scared me b. I laughed out loud especially bc I was caught off guard.
Annie from Woodside by way of Astoria

I'd like to thank you for pointing out that your in your own bubble....that makes things easier on all of us. More importantly....you don't look at the clips? Are you kidding.....why do I do this then?

Dan,
Hey, we pay you to tell us funny jokes, not to give us your parenting views. BTW spanking is basically illegal in this country just so you know. Yes, I have broken the law but it's tough because you gotta try and hide the bruises. Let's try and beat Torre with Streisand;s nose and don't forget to include the scam bitch.
Rob (father of the year) from Woodside

Oh yeah, that's why I do this....for the money!!! Thanks for the reminder!!!

Dan,
i'm still having fits of laughter about it this...

i'm in the lobby on my way into work this morning with these 2 women - gossiping, gabbing valley girls - i wanted to smack them. this guy comes up next to us and they're all over it: "dave, hi dave, how ARE you? thats a great suit," yada yada yada. dave looks like he wants to bury himself in a hole and not be forced to admit he knows these 2 idiots. so we all get on the elevator together.

now the 2 valley girls are standing directly in front of me and dave and are still going nonstop - i really dont think they took a breath. so, as i'm standing there seriously thinking that i'd quit if i had to work with these 2, when completely involuntarily, i make a gesture with my hand at my side for yakking (aka, the "blah blah blah" signal were you touch the tips of your fingers to your thumb), and i'm sure my face contorted as well. i dont think i woudl have even noticed i did this, had i not caught dave's eye, who was now beaming at me. my face froze, i realized what i was doing and that i was totally busted, and immediately shot my head forward - i was mortified.

the elevator doors open thank god, heather #1 and heather #2 get off first, dave goes to follow, and as he does, he turns quickly and out of the corner of his mouth goes, "i have those same thoughts every day of my life" and books of the elevator. i was DYING!! it was great.
Kristy aka Guch Kiernan from Woodside

Now this is well written comedy! Mucho appreciated! Heather 1 & Heather 2....classic stuff. I do have one question. Where was Chris in all this? I mean I haven't seen you 2 apart in ages, so I'm sure he was on the elevator too!

As always, until next time, stay safe!

later,
dan

"My karma tells me, You've been screwed again! If you let them do it to ya, you've got yourself to blame! It's you who feels the pain! It's you who takes the shame!"